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Our mission board requires all overseas missionaries to have physicals before departing for the field, and since we were at our HQ for my anti-human trafficking training this last month, we went ahead and got ours done. Yikes. My blood pressure was through the roof! Part of it was that I was nervous and the cuff was freakishly tight (felt like it was gonna cut me in half!). But as much as I want to rationalize it away and say it was only high because of that, I know in my heart that it's still high. The doctor retook it after the physical, and it was still high, but it had come down some (he never would tell me what it was). As he didn't immediately prescribe blood pressure medication or hospitalize me, I'm assuming it wasn't immediately threatening. I had told him about signing up for My Fitness Pal  and that I'd lost 20 lbs last year. I'm sure he's expecting me to pick things back up now that we're not away from home (we hope to arrive back home sometime tomorrow).

So here I am. When I get home, I want to find an accountability partner--someone who will call me every day and ask me if I've exercised. If I logged my calories and remained under the set goals for calories and sodium. We are praying to be fully funded and able to leave for language school in August. By that point, I want to be down 30 lbs (that's 1.5 lbs a week between now and August 1-ish). As of the doctor's appointment last Thursday, I've gained back all but 6 of the pounds I lost. Hmm. Not cool.

I've got to do better than that.

Big Talk, No Action

Big talk, no action. Yup. That's me alright. How many years has this drug on now? Way too many. All I know to do is to pick myself up and try again. And just keep trying until I get it right.

I only have two resolutions for this new year: (1) To finally get my weight under control and get down to a healthy weight, and (2) To finish (and publish) my novel. I would love to have something BIG to celebrate at the end of 2012. It would be really amazing to celebrate the publication of my first book at a much smaller size--a size I am finally not ashamed of.

I think instead of setting mini goals for myself, I'm just gonna try taking things one day at a time. That's all. Just one day at a time. If I mess up today, there's not really any reason I'll necessarily do it again tomorrow. I just need to focus on today and let tomorrow worry about itself---something that is a really good practice to master. Some of the best weight loss advice I've ever heard was not even about weight loss...nor from a real person. This year, as often as I may stumble, I want to "just keep swimming, just keep swimming" and keep picking myself back up. So thanks, Dorie, for the sage advice.

So, here we are on January 10. Starting weight tonight (on the bedroom scale even) was 208. Let's just see where tomorrow takes me.

The Gauntlet Has Been Thrown

My next mini weight loss goal is to be down to 175 by December 30. That's still three months away, and completely doable.

But my darling husband has thrown down the gauntlet. He has challenged me to meet that goal a month early---by Thanksgiving. Yikes! I'm gonna have to really kick it in gear if I want to do that.

Everyday workouts. Cutting calories even further to 1400 a day. Whew! I'm hungry and exhausted just thinking about it.

Even more than Troy's challenge is my own personal challenge. We are having our family pictures (including extended family on my side) taken for the first time in nine years. And I haven't weighed 175 lbs since before I got married---over 13 years ago. The first 20 lbs haven't really made a huge difference in my appearance---that I can tell anyway. Some of my pants are looser, and I've had people mention to me that they can tell I've lost weight. But it's not something I can see. I would imagine 42 lbs gone would be more obvious. Even to me. So this is one goal I'm anxious to reach.

The big question is, can I do this even with our October travel schedule? I'm not sure. But I've at least got to give it a try.

Lowpoint

Tonight is a night that I am thankful I have no goodies (especially ice cream!) stocked in my house. Because I am, tonight, sick of this whole counting calories thing. Tired of it. Over it. Done.

This evening for the first time, probably ever, I made my family one meal (tacos! Gooey cheese!) and then fixed myself a "lighter" version made with ground turkey. Let's just say it doesn't look very yummy. I'm hoping that it will taste better than it looks.

It's also a good thing I'm still in my grubbies for the day and don't feel like changing. Otherwise, I imagine wild horses (or at minimum, Troy and all of the children) would have to hold me back from running for the front door and ICE CREAM. Yummy, creamy ice cream.

19 lbs gone. 19 lbs gone. 19 lbs gone. 19 lbs gone. Finally in the 100s. Finally in the 100s. Finally in the 100s. (My personal mantra for the moment.)

Time will tell if it works.

First Weight Loss Goal, Take 2

Back in June, I actually met my first weight loss goal of 20 lbs lost by August 30 (today). However, because I was not following the program I'd established for myself during the entire month of July and, quite frankly, through most of August as well, I'd lost some ground and gained back a portion of that weight. Last week, I was only within 1 pound of reaching that goal anew. However, after eating out several times last week, I stepped on the scale today and had not lost any weight. I'm thankful I didn't gain, but the fact remains that I still missed my deadline.

I was very disappointed about it. And then my wonderful, supportive husband reminded me how proud he is of me and my 19 lb weight loss achievement. My personal cheerleader encouraged me not to look at what I didn't accomplish but what I did accomplish. 19 lbs of weight? Gone. The 200's? Outta here. It is rather wonderful to  continually see that scale register a weight in the 100s. And that number will only get smaller as the weeks go by.

So I'm going to shake this one off and focus on meeting my next weight loss goal, which is a total of 42 lbs lost by December 30.

For last week:

(1) Logged in at MFP every day.
(2) Exercised 3 out of 7 days.
(3) 0 pounds lost.

Weekly Check-in

Into my daily schedule (that I'm trying to make a habit), I've incorporated at least 30 minutes of walking with the walking DVD. I'm planning to add the free-step on the Wii Fit in 10 minute increments periodically so that I'm doing at least 40 minutes of exercises each weekday, working up to an hour each weekday. So for each weekly check-in, I want to keep track of (1) how many days I exercised, (2) how many days I logged in on MFP (myfitnesspal.com), and (3) my weight.

(1) I only did 1 day of exercises last week
(2) I logged in 3 days last week
(3) I lost 4 pounds last week, bringing my new weight to.........198! Only 1 pound away from my goal of 20 lbs down by August 30! Yayness!

Checking In

Since August 5 (not remembering what day of the week that was), I have lost 2 lbs, putting me back down to 202. It's not a big loss. But at this point, with not a whole lot of commitment to the program during the last month and a half, I'll take it.

Now that things are getting back on track and I'm keeping track of my calories again, things should be improving. Hopefully I'll hit that goal of being down to 197 by the end of August after all! That's only 5 more pounds to go.