What You Don't See

Yesterday, I stepped on the scale for the first time in well over a month (and well before I sprained my ankle). I definitely didn't like what I saw. Between not being able to walk for a month and overindulging in some goodies from home (that lack of discipline really, REALLY gets me into trouble), I put back on 3 of the pounds I lost.

Some of you might think that 3 pounds is not a big deal. Some of that could be water weight. And that's true. I was bummed out for awhile, yes. After all, when you've been steadily losing weight, the last thing you want to see is the scale go in the opposite direction, right? Right.

But today, I realized something.

When I got dressed this morning, I didn't have to suck in my gut just to button or zip my pants (haven't in a long while, for that matter). In fact, I need to wear a belt with all of my pants or else they will fall off. I am wearing one of my new Hobbit t-shirts mom brought. I ordered it before Christmas in a couple sizes smaller than I have worn in many, many years. And while it is snugger than shirts I typically wear, it's DEFINITELY not something I would've even been able to put on when we arrived. Or even at Christmas, for that matter. Furthermore, yesterday, I wore a shirt I'd purchased right before leaving the States. When we arrived, it was long, but not overly so. Yesterday, it almost looked like a dress on me.

When I step on the scale, all I focus on are the numbers. Are they good? Are they bad? Have I made progress? Lost it? What I don't see, however, is what everyone else sees when they look at me: I have visibly lost weight. My clothes are looser. My face has thinned somewhat, as have other parts of me. Nobody else sees the scale numbers unless I feel like sharing them.

This is what I need to remember. It's not just about the numbers. They are important, yes. Because with each pound and inch lost, I'm making myself healthier and healthier. But in the end, they're only numbers. I need to forget what everyone else doesn't see and focus on what they do see.

A smaller me.

Back At It

This last week, my ankle finally healed enough for me to resume my morning walks, albeit on a few days a week at first instead of the full five. Last week, I walked a total of 1.5 miles each of those who mornings. Next week, I'll step it up to 1.5 miles for three mornings. Hopefully, the week after that, I'll be able to stretch it to the full 2 miles. Once I'm able to comfortably (on my ankle -- now that I've been away several weeks, I've noticed I'm starting at square one, endurance wise) able to handle 2 miles, three days a week, I'll go back to the full five days.

I have a goal to reach, after all, and not much more time in which to reach it.

An Unfortunate Development

Things were chugging along nicely. I was getting up at 5 AM five days a week and walking 2 miles in the park with a friend. I was steadily losing weight. Not at a breakneck speed, but there was progress. I really started feeling great about myself.

And then it happened.

In my obsession to get to the gate at school before it was shut (which would require me to walk the long way home. Good grief), I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and stepped off the edge of the sidewalk. Honestly, it's a miracle I was able to catch myself from crashing into the concrete bench in front of me. In my moment of stupid, sheer clumsiness, I twisted my ankle.

Now, I have a sprained ankle I can't walk on due to stiffness. In my reading, I've seen that it can take weeks before I'm back to normal and am able to walk like I used to. Weeks. Just when things were going so well...

To say that I'm frustrated with myself is an understatement. A gross understatement.

There's not a lot I can do about it. To rush my healing is to risk further injury. More lasting injury. And that's just not worth it.

So, I may have to do what I did a couple years ago. And that's keep track of my daily caloric intake on Myfitnesspal. We'll see. I'd really like to continue losing weight, not losing the ground I've reached.

Maybe that will be a big incentive to keeping track of my calories--something I detest.

Regularity

This may seem like too much information for y'all, but I'm gonna say it anyway. Who knows? It might be affecting other women in my shoes.

I haven't had a regular menstrual cycle for over 16 years. It coincides with the rate at which I gained weight. Before we were married, I even had a doctor tell me that, due to my obesity (I really loathe that word), it would be difficult--if not impossible--for me to get pregnant when that time came. Well, four kids later, she was clearly not correct about that. However. She was right about my irregularity. Each year I gained weight, my periods came less and less frequently. There were years I had about one or two a year. And that can't possibly be healthy, right?

In the last several months, since the weight has really started to come off, my periods have become increasingly regular. In fact, the last two have occurred the same time of the month as each other. And for me, that's not something that has happened since I was about 22 years old.

Who knew losing weight would bring back the regularity to my cycles?!

Like I said at the beginning: this may be more information than you've ever wanted to know about me. But for that one obese woman who has been struggling with getting pregnant due to irregular periods, these next few words are for you:

Honey, you know you need to lose weight. You know it. I don't have to tell you that being obese is not healthy for you. And it's certainly not healthy for that baby you so desperately want to have. If you lose some weight--so far, I've only lost about 12% of my total body weight--not only will you feel and look better, have more energy, and improve your health, you may bring back more regular cycles as well. And as we both know, it's extremely difficult to get pregnant with irregular cycles. Your baby is worth the hard work and effort on your part. But more importantly, so are you.

Biggest Loser's Got Nuthin' on Me!

After discovering last month that I'd been losing weight with absolutely no effort at all, I decided to kick things up a notch. So, for the last 3 weeks, a friend and I have been getting up at 5 AM during the week and walking around a park near both of our homes. Including getting to and from the park, plus our 3 laps around the park, we get in about 2 miles each morning. While there have been a couple days when I wasn't able to go, we've been pretty regular.

So today was weigh-in day. Since my January, I have lost 6 pounds--5 of those in the last week alone! (Yes, I cheated and weighed myself a week early. But as I had only lost 1 lb, I didn't see the need to post.) I haven't changed my diet. All I've done is added 40 minutes of walking 5 days a week. And really, between groceries, going to the feria, church, or meeting with Laura to practice my Spanish, I probably get another two miles for the weekend combined.

Troy did measure me last month, but I can't for the life of me believe I neglected to post those measurements! And unfortunately, the most "recent" measurements I have to go by are ones from 2009. Brother.

So these can serve as a reference point.

Arm - 13 1/2 inches
Thigh - 23 1/4 inches
Abdomen - 46 3/4 inches
Waist - 44 inches
Chest - 44 inches

Weight today - 188 (Just 8 more pounds, and I'll officially weigh what my driver's license claims I weigh)

Actual Progress!!

I can't remember the last time I stepped on the scale. Let's call it July. Or June. Or even August. I have no clue. At any rate, I do know that the last time I weighed in, I did take the time to update my Myfitnesspal profile with the current weight. Whenever it was that I weighed in last, I was 208 pounds.

As I mentioned in my last post, I know that I've been losing weight (although I wouldn't say it's been "melting" off). While I hadn't stepped on a scale until today, I knew I was losing because literally all of my pants are baggy. To the point that with many of them, I have to put a belt on or they will slide to the floor. The others seem to slide down as I walk, so I'm constantly pulling them back up. Always a good problem to have (except in the case of my favorite capri pants. I left the white belt that came with them at home, so I must either try to find a slim belt here or stop wearing them).

Over the weekend, a fellow student told me she'd found a scale at Price Smart. And it was reasonably priced, too. So I determined to pick one up. I was tired of not knowing my weight (never thought I'd actually feel that way!). At my wonderful husband's suggestion, however, we first checked another store; we found one for about $10 cheaper than we would've paid, always a bonus.

We got it home, and he immediately brought it back to me so I could test it out. Now, I was fully dressed, including jeans and shoes (although I did at least kick the shoes off). I got on, hoping for a good number, but not really expecting one.

The number shocked me. In a good way.

194. 194!!! I lost 14 pounds without EVEN TRYING! Good grief, I walk down the hill to school twice a day, then back up the hill twice more, a total of 5 minutes each way (maybe)! There are occasionally times I walk to other places, but I certainly haven't been putting in the hard work required with weight loss. I'm still eating my favorite foods and enjoying sodas. The biggest difference is that we're not eating out 3-4 times a week. Our dining out is restricted to weekends, normally just on Sundays. And it's usually a Tican plate, or pizza. Not fast food.

So imagine what I can lose with a little concentrated effort on my part? The idea thrills and scares me all at the same time.

However, I make a promise to myself that I will never see the 200s again. I do not ever want to be that heavy ever again in life.

Roughin' It?

I've been on Survivor: Costa Rica for 3 months already. Now that we're here, I can say things aren't quite as I thought they'd be.

For starters, our house is much closer than we anticipated. Instead of a 20 minute walk every day, we have less than a ten minute walk. And while we've consumed bags of rice, there haven't been a whole ton of beans in our diet, a diet that remarkably resembles our normal diet back home. The biggest difference is that we're only eating out once a week (on Sundays). And speaking of eating out, while actually getting to fast food restaurants takes a bit of effort (or some colones for the bus or taxi), they are actually far more accessible than restaurants at home.....because they deliver! Yes, you read that right! That's just what a dieter needs...

Don't get me wrong. I have actually lost some weight. I'm not sure how much, exactly, but all of my pants are quite a bit looser, and my face has thinned out an iota. But the weight isn't just flying off, as I originally imagined. (Man, there's a mental picture for ya.)

The biggest disappointment came last night when, out of curiosity, I dug out my wedding ring and crammed it on my finger to see if it fit. Oh, it fit, all right. But it immediately began cutting off all circulation to that finger. (Not good.) After yanking, soaking in cold water, and more yanking, I had to admit defeat. Troy got out the bottle of vegetable oil and pour it over my finger. Bingo! After more yanking and twisting, it came off. I won't be trying that again for awhile. The disappointment came in realizing that I can't just keep on as I've been if I want this weight to come off. I think it would, but it would take a long time.

Glad we brought my friend Leslie Sansone and her gang of walkers along. I think I'll be spending a bit of time every day with her.